SPIRITUAL ASPECTS
OF TWELVE STEP PROGRAMS
  by Janet Smith Warfield for
Virtual Chaos

A Work in Progress
Copyright 1995-2000 VirtualChaos.Org.
All Rights Reserved. Void where Prohibited.

Those of us who enter the doors of twelve step programs are exhausted and hurting. What we've been doing hasn't worked and we're looking for a better way to live. Some of us are hard core drug addicts or alcoholics who know we'll end up dead or in jail if we don't change. Some are gamblers whose addiction is ruining our families and relationships. Some of us are food addicts who haul so much weight around we'll be in the hospital if we don't get help. Some are friends and relatives of these people.

We are the people society thinks are normal because we're responsible and loving and hard working, but we learn we are relationship addicts. We don't know how to love ourselves. We're all too willing to destroy ourselves for others because we're afraid of losing a son, a mother, a spouse. All of us who are ready to change can with the help and support of others who know from first hand experience the exhaustion and pain we're experiencing. They've been there.

All programs revolve around twelve steps. The entire program is a holistic support system which encourages awareness and provides tools for maintaining personal serenity despite external circumstances. The first three steps are the core of the program. All of us return to these steps whenever we notice ourselves slipping away from serenity.

The FIRST STEP is a step of willingness to release control. We are asked to admit our powerlessness and that our lives have become unmanageable. The phrasing of this step changes depending on the particular twelve step program. The second part of the first step is easy. We who walk into a twelve-step meeting are there only because our lives have become unmanageable. The first part of the first step is the sticking point. Me? Powerless? Oh, no. I can do anything. But the reality is that life has become unmanageable. Maybe I'm not as powerful as I think. Maybe there's a better way.

Some religions teach surrender. The first step is a step of surrender: giving up the idea that we are all powerful and in control of our lives. When we look at our lives honestly, it's pretty clear we're not all powerful, because look at the mess we're in. We're not functional. Until we are willing to surrender, there is no moving on. There is, however, no pressure to surrender. Each person is free to reach this willingness in his or her own time and own way. It usually happens when the pain of not doing so becomes unbearable. Once the surrender occurs, the second step provides a new way of functioning, one that can release fear, guilt, anger, shame, and all those other emotions we've learned to call 'ugly'.

The SECOND STEP is a step of faith. "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." There is nothing in the second step about God. Yet many of us choose to call this "power greater than ourselves" 'God'. Others prefer the term 'Higher Power'. There is no pressure to use a single set of words. Each of us is encouraged to define "a power greater than ourselves" in a way that is comfortable and to find that power in whatever places seem right. The point is to start looking.

Many of us first find 'Higher Power' in nature: a beautiful sunset, the chattering of a squirrel, the whisper of a gentle spring breeze. Others find it in the twelve step meetings themselves or the people in the rooms. Eventually, we find it everywhere, even in experiences that formerly would have been thought of as 'painful'. Now those experiences become learning experiences and opportunities for spiritual growth. Belief in a 'power greater than ourselves', however, is not enough. Until we are committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, ineffectiveness.

The THIRD STEP is a step of commitment. "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." Notice the word 'decision'. We need to be willing to make a commitment to let go and let God work through us. Some of us come to the twelve step programs already believing in God. Others come as atheists or agnostics. For the latter, this is a difficult step. It's not easy to place our trust in something we can't see or hear or conceptualize, in something that may not even exist. Yet anything is better than the hell we've been living in.

We make the decision to believe only when we're ready. Ultimately, we make it from our heart, not our head. We become willing to use a power that works, not what our intellect tells us is right. Often, we make the decision from the depths of pain, fear and despair.

The next four steps are self-awareness steps. A good program encourages the member to get his or her focus away from what is going on 'out there' and on to what is going on 'in here'. These are steps where a sponsor or mentor is a must. A sponsor is another trusted person who helps a member through the dreaded self-disclosures, secrets, and confessions which are part of moving on.

STEP FOUR is a step of noticing. "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." This step requires us to look at our own thoughts, feelings, and conduct. What do we dislike about ourselves? What do we like? What actions do we want to change? What experiences from our past have we never divulged to anyone? What dreams are we afraid to realize? Many of us discover during the course of this step that our personality characteristics are both strengths and weaknesses, depending on how we use them. Writing our thoughts down on paper helps the self-discovery process.

STEP FIVE is a step of confession and humility. It requires a sponsor or mentor. "Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs." Admitting our wrongs to ourselves isn't too painful. But it's also not very productive. It's much too easy to admit them, rationalize them, and keep doing them. We can't admit our wrongs to our 'Higher Power' until we've developed a concept of 'Higher Power'. Until we're comfortable with Step Two, we can't do Step Five.

Once we have some concept of 'a power greater than ourselves', it's not too difficult to admit our wrongs privately to this Power. But admitting our wrongs publicly? To another human being? That's the hard part. What will they think if we tell them what we did? Will they be critical? Will they judge us? That is why it's important to choose with care the person to whom we admit our wrongs. It is vital we choose a person we respect and trust, a person who can act as a catalyst in our self-discovery process, a person who will support us, not condemn us. Once we are ready to take this step, amazing things happen.

Often there is a sudden, spontaneous release of pain, guilt, and shame. Tears flow. The secrets we've been hiding for years are suddenly exposed and we discover they've lost their power. Maybe we didn't even realize what a burden they were until we shared them and released them. Suddenly, our tension lessens. We are free to sing, to dance, to laugh. Many of us discover our greatest character defect is fear.

STEP SIX is a step of willingness to receive assistance. "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character." The process of Step Five, admitting our wrongs, is a powerful catalyst to Step Six. Once we experience the release that comes from sharing our fears with others, the lightness we experience makes it easier to be ready to have 'God' remove all these burdens we've been struggling with for years.

STEP SEVEN is a step of action and humility. "Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings." Removing shortcomings is NOT something we can do for ourselves through will power. We need a sponsor and a Higher Power. As long as we remain arrogantly self-assured that we have everything under control, our self-will will continue to create the unmanageability that brought us to these rooms in the first place. Self-will is fear in action: fear of trusting our inner selves, fear of trusting other people, fear of trusting a power we can't see or define but which somehow performs miracles when we allow it to function in our lives. Steps Eight and Nine are relationship steps. They are intended to help us heal our relationships with ourselves and with other people so that we can live in harmony and love.

STEP EIGHT is another step of action and willingness. "Made a list of all people we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all." Making a list isn't hard. We all know people we've harmed: those who have been the objects of our blame, those to whom we've made promises we haven't kept, those we've looked down on in contempt, those we've judged as being inferior, those who have been the objects of our gossip. Many of us come to realize that the person we've harmed the most is ourselves. We add our own name to the list. Becoming willing to make amends is harder. It's tempting to switch our focus to the harm others have caused us and rationalize that it's they who should be making the amends. We have to remind ourselves over and over that we can't change others. We can only change ourselves.

STEP NINE is another action step, conditioned on love and care. "Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.". Many of us begin this step by making amends to ourselves. We begin to treat ourselves with love. We allow ourselves morning walks and meditation. We care for our bodies. We eat healthier meals. We give ourselves time to rest and relax. Making amends to ourselves makes it easier to make amends to others. When we become willing to say "we're sorry" to others, miracles happen. Hugs and kisses materialize. Human relationships blossom. Once we have cleaned up the refuse from our past, we need to keep working the steps to keep our present moments sane, serene, and healthy. The last three steps are maintenance steps.

STEP TEN is another action step, flowing from awareness. "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it." This step requires keeping our minds in the present moment. We need to notice constantly what we do, whether we do it from childhood conditioning and reaction or whether we do it from choice. We also need to be aware of the external responses of others, as well as the emotional energy underlying those responses. We need to observe and listen with our whole body and soul. We make mistakes. We slip back into old habits. But we notice when we slip, correct the slip, and, if necessary, apologize.

STEP ELEVEN is a step of meditation and courage. "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.". After working the program for months, perhaps years, many of us begin to experience an energy, a support in difficult times, a something indefinable that is nevertheless there for us when we are feeling fear or anxiety. This is Higher Power. It can't be described, it can't be understood, but it is available, anytime we need it. It's like turning on a light or tuning into a favorite radio station. The energy or power is always there even though we can't see it, and we don't understand how it works. But if we push the button or turn the switch, it's there to comfort us and guide us.

Courage permeates this step. It takes courage to believe. It takes courage to let go of self will. And it takes courage to pray, "Thy Will be done." It is so much easier to pray, "My will be done." Step eleven requires the courage to trust this power and to let go of predetermined, limited, human results. What happens is miraculous. Things work out in ways the limited human mind could never preplan.

STEP TWELVE is a step of enlightenment and sharing. "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.". Spiritual awakenings are miracles. Some religions speak of 'grace'. Psychology talks about intuition or 'aha experiences'. Whatever label we give the experience, suddenly, our consciousness changes. We see the world in a new light. We understand old moral teachings differently. Words we never used to understand suddenly have meaning. Everything fits. Everything makes sense. We KNOW we are part of a universal energy beyond time and space. There is nothing more important than this integrating experience. Having had a spiritual awakening, our fear evaporates. We realize that courage is little more than saying 'no' to human pressure. Daily, we live our lives in the present moment, drawing upon and expressing the unnameable, unlimited, formless, mysterious energy which some have called 'God'. We are one with our Creator.